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raymondnzl New User

Joined: 07 Aug 2008 Posts: 7 Career Advice: +0/-0

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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:18 pm Post subject: Can any1 review my cover letter for my previous employer :) |
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Hi there
I need help on my cover letter, can anyone provide any comment on it.
I saw advs from my previous employer and I am wanting to apply for that role. (in fact i only left for 2 months and this letter is for a different site of the organisation)
Any advice on my grammar, structure would be greatly appreciated.
Dear Jacqui
Re: Investigators, Assurance
I am writing to apply for the above position advertised on the Inland Revenue Department (“IRD”) website.
I completed my Bachelor of Commerce degree with a double major in Accounting and Information Systems at the University of X in 200X. I have also completed a Graduate Diploma in Economic. I have passed Exam1 in March 200X and I am planning to start Exam2 in 200X.
I am currently working for X company as an Intermediate Auditor. I am responsible for examining financial records, companies’ internal controls and auditing financial statements. Key business skills that I have acquired include clear communication, commercial awareness, analytical and time management skills. My experience at X company has provided me with strong auditing skills and techniques. I believe these skills are transferable to an Investigator position at IRD.
My previous Investigator experience provided me with relevant investigation skills and fraud detection focus. I enjoyed being an Investigator and I believe there are constant learning opportunities in the investigation area especially in the fraud and anti avoidance area. I believe my accounting experience from my previous work would be a valuable contribution. I understand and appreciate the key requirements being an Investigator and I anticipate that constant challenges will occur which will motivate me to strive for excellence.
I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you and discuss the possibility of working at IRD in the future. Enclosed is my curriculum vitae for your consideration. Please do not hesitate to contact me on my mobile 09999 or email: x@x.co. I look forward to hearing from you and would welcome the opportunity to attend an interview.
Yours sincerely,
Raymond |
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raymondnzl New User

Joined: 07 Aug 2008 Posts: 7 Career Advice: +0/-0

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cruz New User

Joined: 26 Aug 2008 Posts: 8 Career Advice: +0/-0

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Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:46 am Post subject: |
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Looks pretty good overall.
Here are the things I noticed:
I think Economic should be Economics and this sentence can be tweaked a little: "My previous Investigator experience provided me with relevant investigation skills and fraud detection focus."
I would say "investigation skills" in another way. Maybe "provided me with keen analytical and examination skills as well as strengthened my fraud detection abilities"
It also seems that "I" begins almost every sentence. That is generally a cover letter don't. Try to reword the sentences so "I" isn't used so much.
"I understand and appreciate the key requirements (insert "of") being an Investigator and I anticipate that constant challenges will occur which will motivate me to strive for excellence. "
Also, explain what specific accounting skills will help you as an Investigator...
I'm just joining the board so I'm late in replying, did you already submit the letter? Any response? |
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